Other blog site

Lost the link here's my Friendster blog. Please do visit.

Thanks

God is really kind when you surrender everything to HIM. He gave my faith back. I thought I was in the depths of winter…but he gave me an invincible summer that rekindled the inner strength in me. For days on end, I was an empty shell, but he gave me hope. Faith makes people self-less and compromising. Another chance. Another beginning. I thank God for giving her back to me once more. Now, I'm counting my blessings...

Answers

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Friends

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Setting her free

I started writing this web log with the intention of purging myself of an obsession. Instead, it immersed me deeper in it.

I thought talking about how I felt would make the yearning go away. Instead, it made me see what I wanted was within my grasp, if only I was brave enough to reach for it.

I had hoped a man's friendship, loyalty and devotion would be enough for any woman to fall madly in love with him. Instead, I have been educated in the harsh reality of love ... unrequited love.

Fuck honesty. Rejection reeks.

I have officially "set her free" -- the easiest decisions are ones where you don't really have a choice. I am now working on seeing Jeunnesse as I used to – a friend, a kindred companion when we need to hang and pig out. More diligently, I am trying to bury my secret dreams of having her as my girlfriend, a wife, as the mother of my children, as the woman I was going to grow old with.

The reality is I will probably have romantic love for Jeunnesse forever. But of course, I will now downplay that fact (er ... lie my ass off) should the subject ever come up -- if only to maintain a sliver of dignity.

In a way, I have also set myself free. The idealistic career plans I made years ago have been reincarnated. My desire to dig up my acceptance to a job offer abroad has been renewed (I ought to be able to make it before 2007). Beautiful women who have, in no vague manner, shown interest in me are beginning to look strangely appealing. My mind's engine has been busy consoling me with all the good things in my life in its attempt to drown that numbing feeling of being emotionally castrated.

Non-Disney ending considered, I have no regrets. I would do this all over again in a heartbeat. And as soon as I find my balls, I can probably even write about that last nauseating trip to her house and how she booted me like an old shoe. By then, perhaps you guys can help me answer my questions about the words we exchanged, the things she spoke of and that venomous snake bite of a kiss! For now, I can disclose that I have, since that fateful Sunday, been haunted by dreams of Joseph (bound and gagged), a windowless room and many, many instruments of torture.

Oh and be a human being -- no fucking "pity" comments please. If you really want to help me out, set me up with a girl.

Dumped

Jeunnesse, the girl that swept me off my feet a few months ago, has officially DUMPED me. She wants time and space. Two elements that I’m not prepared to give. She wants to be an astronaut. I’m crushed. She told me that she needs time to think and sort out the many confusing things in her life. I don’t exactly know what to do…

I’m really in no mood to explain the details…